


as small as a world

by justanoverobsessivefangirl



Series: flowers on skin on soulmates [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Anxiety, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Soulmate AU, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanoverobsessivefangirl/pseuds/justanoverobsessivefangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt: "there are tattoos of plants, gardens, forests, that are a part of us, growing, changing and when we meet the one, everything seems to bloom more beautifully"</p>
            </blockquote>





	as small as a world

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [As small as a world](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5835136) by [McRever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/McRever/pseuds/McRever)



> every person has an ever-growing, ever-changing tattoo of plants and forests on their skin which reflects how they feel at a given moment. when you meet your soulmate, everything blooms more beautifully than it did before.
> 
> warnings: implied child abuse if you squint, implied self-harm if you squint, implied depression, implied anxiety, teensy bit of existentialism if you search for it (none of these are explicit at all, only implied)

_i. there are always flowers for those who want to see them_

everyone is born with a seed at the nape of their neck. as they grow older, plants flourish and bloom on their skin. depending on how someone feels and what is going on in their life, the garden on their skin reflects that – if you are relaxed, peppermint will spring up along your arms; if you are tired, willow leaves will hang low on your stomach; if you are stressed, your trees will wither. as a result of this, you can tell how people feel just from observing the garden on their skin. 

dan didn’t like this about the system. it meant that everyone knew what he was feeling, when all he wanted to do was to hide them away for no one, not even himself, to see. and so he did. he wore long sleeves and black jeans and hoped that his bare branches wouldn’t grow onto his face. 

(in all honesty, though? he probably wouldn’t care because _~~it doesn’t matter nothing matters nothing will ever matter~~_.) 

and in the end, dan was as brittle and bitter as his trees were. 

// 

he’s been told that his first plant bloomed right after he’d been born. he’s been told that it was a blueberry bush. he’s been told that blueberries symbolize protection. he’s been told many things, but this is one he’d rather not forget. 

he does not remember the blueberry bush blooming on his small palm, though. (he was too young to remember.) he does not remember his mother’s joyful exclamations. (they were too rare to remember.) he does, though, remember a hydrangea blooming on his wrist when he came home from the first day of preschool. (that was his first memory.) 

and in the end, dan looks back at it as a bittersweet memory – bitter because of how things are now, but sweet because of how they were at the time. 

 

~



_ii. i have loved the stars too fondly to be afraid of the night_

everyone is born with a seed at the nape of their neck. as they grow older, plants flourish and bloom on their skin. depending on how someone feels and what is going on in their life, the garden on their skin reflects that – when you meet your soulmate, the person that is as close to perfect for you as anyone can get, the person that will love you for you and you for them; your garden will bloom and everything will be so much more beautiful than before. 

that’s what they say, at least. dan wouldn’t know – he hasn’t met his supposed soulmate yet, and at this rate, he doesn’t know if he ever will. 

(in all honesty, though? he may make it look like he doesn’t care but he does, he really does.) 

and in the end, dan was as alone as the sole hydrangea on his wrist. 

// 

a person is more than just a person. a person is a sanctuary, a house, a home. and when that home is inhabited – is loved – it blooms. 

_~~i don’t think i’ll ever bloom so i make it a point to hate this house i am in.~~_

and in the end, the trees grew over dan’s scars. 

 

~



_iii. are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human_

everyone is born with a seed at the nape of their neck. as they grow older, plants flourish and bloom on their skin. depending on how someone feels and what is going on in their life, the garden on their skin reflects that. 

once, dan took an alternate route to his law class, and he saw a boy who seemed to radiate. calliopsis bloomed down his arms and around his fingertips. his presence illuminated the room with joy. 

dan looked down and glued his eyes to the floor. _~~(don’t look at me don’t talk to me please don’t please i don’t want to ruin you like i ruin everything else i touch)~~_

he never went that way again. 

(in all honesty, though? no matter what he says, all he really wanted was to be looked at – to be really looked at – and to be understood. of course, he’d never say that aloud.) 

and in the end, he couldn’t say that anyone knew him – even he didn’t know himself. 

_~~(really, how could he expect someone else to if he couldn’t himself?)~~ _

// 

he’s been told that the moon is always watching. he hopes that’s how it is – ~~because he’s been lied to one too many times and if that’s a lie too he doesn’t know what he’d do~~ because that’s a comforting thought, that someone else knows. that someone can see not just what he is feeling but why he is feeling that without him having to explain.

_~~(please don’t make me explain please).~~ _

and in the end, he explains – not because someone forced him to, but because he wanted to. 

 

~



 _iv. it is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves_

everyone is born with a seed at the nape of their neck. as they grow older, plants flourish and bloom on their skin. depending on how someone feels and what is going on in their life, the garden on their skin reflects that. flower symbolism is a required class when in school – it is there you learn that baby’s breath symbolize innocence, that peonies symbolize shame, that hibiscus symbolize rare and delicate beauty, that mayflowers symbolize welcoming, that oak leaves symbolize strength. 

dan later found that this radiant boy’s name was phil, that he was an english major, that he liked to order a caramel macchiato every morning from starbucks, and that his tongue peeked out of his mouth when he laughed. 

the first time he ever spoke to him was when they were both in the campus library. radiant boy – no, phil, was muttering to himself about desperately needing someone to proofread his final paper. _~~i want to help but i’d probably end up hurting more than helping i’m sorry please forgive me please i’m sorry~~_

and in the end, he offers to read phil’s paper. 

// 

“um, hey, sorry, but i heard you saying that you wanted someone to proofread your paper? i could, if you’d like,” dan said to the other, before quickly adding “sorry to bother you.” 

when phil turned to look at him, he noticed two things in the same instant. 

first, that mayflowers – bright pink and white with yellow in each center – flourished all down his arms, replacing the withered, drooping leaves of his trees. 

_~~mayflowers mean welcoming that means he is happy mayflowers mean welcoming mayflowers mean welcoming mayflowers mean welcoming mayflowers mean welcoming mayflowers mean~~_

second, that phil’s eyes were a mix of blue and yellow and green and dan thought _no, oh no please i don’t want to ruin you please don’t let me ruin you i’m sorry i’m sorry i'm sorry i didn't mean to i didn't know i'm sorry please forgive me please i’m sorry_

and when phil smiled at him and said _“thank you so, so much you’re wonderful”_ and dan saw his tongue peeking out of his smile, a hydrangea bloomed on his wrist. 

 

~



_v. the woods are lovely, dark and deep. but i have promises to keep, and miles to go before i sleep_

everyone is born with a seed at the nape of their neck. as they grow older, plants flourish and bloom on their skin. depending on how they feel and what is going on in their life, the garden on their skin reflects that. when people have lived their life, their forest has as well – as their life dwindles, so does the life of their garden. the petals of the once-bright flowers fall off more often, the branches of the once-strong trees are easily broken, the flourishing of new plants comes more slowly than it did in your younger years. 

dan and phil were never perfect, nor would they every claim to be. sometimes they disagreed. sometimes they couldn't talk to each other. 

and that’s okay. 

phil helped dan and dan helped phil. (no one saved anyone but themselves.) 

and in the end, they were okay. 

(maybe not all of the time, but that’s okay too.) 

 

~



 _vi. one could not pluck a flower without troubling a star_

everyone is born with a seed at the nape of their neck. as they grow older, plants flourish and bloom on their skin. depending on how they feel and what is going on in their life, the garden on their skin reflects that. 

and in the end, dan found that beautiful. 

(that day, flowers bloomed over every inch of his skin. and he smiled.) 

(before, he would have ripped at his skin and pressed _destroy destroy destroy_ ) 

 

~



 _vii. we are made out of stardust_

everyone is born with a seed at the nape of their neck. as they grow older, plants flourish and bloom on their skin. depending on how they feel and what is going on in their life, the garden on their skin reflects that. 

dan didn’t have flowers on his skin all of the time. sometimes, the bare, withered branches came back. sometimes, willow trees drooped along his arms. sometimes, a dark forest harbored shadows on his back. 

but sometimes, lillies would bloom on his palms. sometimes, violets would burst into color on his arms. sometimes, pansies would flourish on his stomach. sometimes, fennel would appear on his arm. 

and in the end, dan loves the home that he is in. 

(not all of the time, but that’s okay. he’s okay. everything is okay.) 

~



_the end_

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: i researched plant symbolism for reference while writing 
> 
> please let me know what you thought!!


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